Philly Expatriate

Monday, April 11, 2005

I Should Feel Guilty...

So...

My husband's Aunt died on Sunday; she was on a ventialtor in a hospital in Florida and per her Living Will had the plug pulled. So...

He and I aren't saddened by it as she was a relation by marriage, not a person we had much contact with largely due to geography, she was never a healthy person to begin with (thus little-to-no shock in her demise), and she wasn't particularly young (we are guessing mid-70's.) Basically I only really conversed with her a handful of times since I married into the family. And that's likely one handful less than the amount of contact my husband had with her.

I feel badly that I don't feel badly about this.

But what can you do, huh? I went in my desk and got out a Mass card and now hubby is on the phone calling his brothers and mom to inform them of Auntie's recent departure. Tomorrow I'll place an order for flowers.

Apparently even though she and her husband lived much of the year in Florida she has been cremated and her ashes will be waked (?!?! ) and buried here in Illinois.

The worst part is that since he is the only "representative" from his immediate family in the area, he needs to attend at least one of the memorial functions for the sake of social grace. But we have an appointment with an architect Thursday night and he already took today off for a job interview (which was not as fruitful as we had hoped.) The wake is tentatively scheduled for Thusday night (not convenient for us) and the funeral Mass on Friday morning (also inconvenient).

Tell me how bad THIS is: we are hoping that there is a delay in hustling the urn of ashes up here so that the wake and funeral will be delayed into a Friday evening/Saturday morning combo.

Not to mention that I keep re-running the "Beloved Aunt" episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm over and over in my head (and giggling incessantly because of it!)

Yeah, I know, I'm goin' to hell! ;)

Posted at 09:10 pm by brandy101

	Posted by chrysalis @ 04/15/2005 12:12 PM PDT
	It's hard to mourn for someone you never really got to kow, really. The guilt is natural; after all, we all think we SHOULD be close to our families. But it's rarely perfect.

	Posted by big_red_me @ 04/15/2005 10:39 AM PDT
	yay for may!

	Posted by selfindulgence @ 04/15/2005 07:52 AM PDT
	We all experience similar feelings. Sadly. I just read your profile (you're featured today, you lucky person, you.) And I noticed that we have the exact same birthday exactly a decade apart! A fellow Taurus! Superb!

	Posted by selfindulgence @ 04/15/2005 07:52 AM PDT
	We all experience similar feelings. Sadly. I just read your profile (you're featured today, you lucky person, you.) And I noticed that we have the exact same birthday exactly a decade apart! A fellow Taurus! Superb!

	Posted by Gigglesbee @ 04/14/2005 02:55 PM PDT
	You can't feel grief for every single "stranger" that dies. If we did......we'd just be big huge piles of blubbering and weeping flesh. Don't feel too guilty!

	Posted by Adam @ 04/12/2005 07:23 PM PDT
	Just remember, the wake and funeral are not for his aunt, they are for his uncle. It doesn't matter how close you were with the aunt, it's the uncle you will be seeing at the funeral and wake. So, while it's inconvenience, it's still a blood relative that you are going to see and help cheer up. Hoping for a delay is fine, and only human nature. But skipping it shouldn't be an option. Just food for thought...

	Posted by Michelle @ 04/12/2005 12:09 PM PDT
	N oned to feel guilty. I would say go to the wake at least. You will feel better for going and generally they are a span of time so you can stop by. It will mean a lot to her husband and ultimately to you too. Death is funny. Like Scott posted...ife goes on foreveryone else; but we also have to remember that no one chooses when to die, they do not mean to do it at an inconvenient time. No judgements at all here - I have missed many a thing I should have attended.

	Posted by scott @ 04/12/2005 01:15 AM PDT
	That is the weird thing about death: for everyone else, life goes on. I don't think you should feel bad. Maybe you can do something for the husband later on, after all the 'mourners' have forgotten about his grief. Call him up in a few weeks, or send him something...

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