As I have noted, my daughter is participating as a cast member in my Church's Spring Musical. There are about 60 people particpating, mostly middle-aged women, an assortment of kids, a smattering of middle aged-to-elderly men, and our two young (ie - Thirty-somethings, as far as I can guess) priests.

Since I have previous experince designing and sewing costumes, I signed up to be in costume crew. I thought it'd also be a nice way to meet some similarly-creative friends.

I was escorting my daughter to practice last Sunday when I saw a table full of fabrics, pattern books and sizing sheets. I approached one of the three gray-haired ladies who were sorting the bolts of polyester double-knits and inquired about the costume crew duties. I hadn't known they were "meeting" at that time and wondered if my application to volunteer was misplaced or rejected. The ladies were thrilled to hear that I was on-board and that I have some sewing skills. I was somewhat disappointed to learn that I'm both the only non-menopausal costumer as well as one of the top two as far as "skill level" - thus ensuring that I'll have ALOT of work ahead of me. Nonetheless, the "Church Ladies" were quite friendly and welcoming. One of the ladies was chatting with me for awhile and revealed herself to be quite a vivacious, salty gal, so I'm sure working with her will be entertaining.

As one of the ladies prepared to leave, she asked if I would finish up the measurement sheets for the cast members. In particular, she grabbed all of the men's sizing charts and noted that none of them filled in the "inseam measurement" space. She handed me the sheets, a measuring tape, and a pencil and asked, "Can you get the guys' inseams at the next break?"

Great. My first volunteer duty is to manually explore the crotches and inner-thighs of not only the elderly gents in the chorus but also of *gulp*  two Catholic Priests!

Well, isn't that SPECIAL....

It sounded like the plot of a fetish fantasy, or perhaps a campy John Waters pic, depending on your point of view!

Vivacious Church Lady must have noticed my face go ashen because she spoke up and stated, "We can just ask the men what pants size they wear. Men's pants always include the inseam as the second size."

I breathed a sigh of relief at that suggestion and thus obtained the necessary measurements without the previously-implied "intimacy".