Saturday night. Ah, Saturday night...
A woman I met from the church costume crew is getting married next week, but she is not a "typical" bride. This is her first marriage - and she is 53 years old!
Although I'm not "tight" with her I thought it was a shame that no one planned a shower or anything else special. So as a kindness, I planned and executed a bachelorette party for her at the cantina of a local Mexican restaurant. They have karaoke on Saturday night (built-in entertainment) and delicious margaritas so I sent out a broadcast email to all the ladies from the show cast and crew. Thankfully 4 ladies let me know they were coming, which, to be honest, seems like just the right amount to have a good time at a bar.
I sat alone at our reserved table with a gift bag printed with lots of nude studly dudes all over it, for what seemed an eternity. Thankfully after 25 minutes the gals began to show up and the party was underway. We had the requisite silly hat and a feather boa for the bachelorette, and I brought a gift bag filled with assorted "flavors" of lubricants and massage oils, and an XXL black lace thong - which is probably close to her actual size. Eeeeeewwwww! Anyway...
I started in with the margaritas while everyone else tamely sipped their beers. Thanks to my dear friend, Jose Cuervo, I played the role of "misbehavin' lady" to keep everyones' spirits high. And yet the "church gals" were an even more raunchy bunch (in a "good way" if there is such a thing) WITHOUT liquor so needless to say, a good time was had by all.
As karaoke commenced, I got up to perform "Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi, when some guys ahead of me handed the dj their selection: the same song! I balked. Chicago guy (think Bears Superfan but in a Cubs jersey)#1 says, "Ok, do you want to challenge?"
My druken bragadocio kicked in. "I'm from the East Coast, man. Jersey is in my blood. Hell, YEAH, I want to challenge!"
No doubt about it, I kicked major ass on MY rendition (or at least my drunken ears thought so.)
Later in the evening, one fellow who had been performing various 60's country-pop classics asked, "What's going on, are you having some sort of party?"
I explained the situation and he then got up, and asked the bride-to-be to sit up on stage with him. He began to seranade her with "Can't Help Falling In Love With You" by Elvis. And then, in the sweetest gesture I've seen in a bar in many years, EVERY GUY in the joint got up and joined in, the group crooning to her as if she were the belle of the ball. It was amazing.
Later, the country-pop guy was looking over the song list with me and began stroking my back. I was buzzed enough not to care and yet sober enough to inch away so as to get my point across without being rude.
The next day, I had a very similar "close talking"/shoulder rubbing experience, but with a fellow at Church so in a way it was even more inappropriate! Yet again I scooted away subtly to escape the flirtation. Finally, that evening, despite heaps of laundry to fold, my husband would NOT leave me alone! (If you know what I mean...)
It dawned on me this morning when I had a pain on my side and looked over my calendar that I must be ovulating! Isn't that ever so strange?! I guess its true - that all mammals "smell" a female "in heat" or whatever. Ha! Sorry guys, these eggs have flown the coop!
