Although I consider myself something of a devotee of TLCs What Not To Wear with hosts Clinton Kelly and Stacy London, I wholly embarked upon retail purchases that would make those aforementioned stylists cringe.

Ever since I started my hormone treatments (and well, maybe even a bit before that...) I often feel bloated and puffy in the general umbilical spot (aka - the GUT.)

With these abdominal inconsistencies, I find myself unable to commit to a specific tailored waist size, as it changes, albeit subtley, through the month.

Thus, today I embarked upon a dangerous mission for a woman who formerly prided herself on her appearance. I tried on - and BOUGHT - elastic-waist jeans and pants.

Initially I ventured into this realm via Lands End and their stealthy use of elastic inserts in their comfortable (and still somewhat stylish) boot-cut 7-day corduroys. Yes, they are mom-jean rise (to the natural waist) but at least they are boot cut! With a nice sweater, they look - and feel - great on.

Today, feeling hungry for more flexibility to my waistband, I browsed their selection of stretchy jeans and pants. Sadly, those in my petite-length size were sold out until JANUARY!!

Since I had other errands to tend to, I made my way out the door, my dreams of elastic-waist pants all but faded away. Sure enough, I ended up at Walmart to complete my shopping list of items ranging from juice boxes and dog treats to large plastic storage totes.

And there they were. Dark-wash high-waist petite length jeans with FULL ELASTIC WAIST.

No, not jean leggings (I am not THAT bad!) but an actual jean with a cut somewhere between icky tapered leg and more subdued straight leg. They were never  going make my ass look bootylicious but DAMN they were comfy!  They only had one pair in my size,  but for a mere $9 I figured *why not?*

I fear I will never be able to break myself of the comfort level of this quasi-slovenly, certainly-frumpy jean. I hope by wearing these in public, I will not be summoned to on-air scrutiny and  humiliation vis-a-vis the 360-degree mirror!