 I am an East Coast expatriate hiding out in the Midwest... I am an urban gal living in the suburbs and occasionally hiding in the country I am a yoga practitioner, fitness enthusiast, believer in the mind-body-spirit connection... I am a mid-life "revert" to the Roman Catholic faith in which I was raised and which has become an enormous source of support, encouragement, inspiration, and joy in my life... I am a mom, sister, daughter, and wife... I am an explorer; adventurous and curious about the world and people around me... I am educated in the formal sense but I gain insight through everyday living... I created this blog at a time of great fear and apprehension in my life. I chose to sustain it because of the discoveries about myself and the world around me that it has revealed. What you can expect to find here: the documentation of a love-hate relationship with the greater Philadelphia area
reminiscing about the good-ole-days (the 80's!)
complaints about my various ailments and injuries, both real and imagined
pictures and stories of gardening, decorating, shopping, sewing
my love of irony
links to kooky news stories
way too much scatological musing for sane people
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Friday, April 02, 2004
Sweat....mmmmm...I just had a fantastic workout courtesy of the selection of what my friend, Nickie would term "Crap Rock"...classic rock anthems form the 70's and 80's. Those on the MP3 plus a few "hip" alterna-rock hits, late 80's college radio pop tunes, and some 60's mod riffs (Small Faces, The Kinks) and I had the perfect melange of uptempo grooves to keep me running at a better pace than I think I have ever had before. I also deliberately ran WITHOUT my hr monitor...I think when it starts hitting max and beeping it is way too distracting. Thus, I run longer, more comfortably, at a great pace, and really get in my "zone." I did try to wind down a bit before ending and manged some stetching and cool-down. Yet I am still riding that elation of "flying". I did mention previously that I liken my workouts to my sexuality...anyone familiar with bdsm might have heard of "sub space". I think more people have heard of a "runner's high". Its pretty much the same thing, I think, in terms of physical changes in the nervous, respiratory and circulatory systems. Huge endorphin dump into the blodstream. In bdsm, a submissive may have some sensory deprivation - blindfold, hood, etc. When I am in the running (or biking, swimming, yoga...) "zone" I get tunnel vision, too. Everything else gets shut out; I start to lose sense of space and time. Kinda dramatic, perhaps, but it can happen and hey, if it helps me get/stay HEALTHY and FIT, then hurrah!
I know I'll be commenting on this seemingly obvious parallel later down the road. For now, I had better hit the shower!
Posted at 04:45 pm by brandy101
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I have alot going on - schedule-wise and MENTALLY for the next few days...
As my profile states I am a fitness enthusiast and began training for triathlons (sprint distance) a few years ago as a goal to motivate me in my quest to become healthier, more shapely, fit, sexier, confident...it has been a great tool...and I have been able to tie together much of my endurance training into my spiritual and sexual self...I'll touch on that topic a bit later.
A few weeks ago I became aware of a health issue, so I called my doctor, thinking it would be dismissed as "nothing". Well that "nothing" is landing me in surgery next week. I still personally feel deep down that its just some anomaly and truly is nothing scary...but my grusome research on the internet has exposed me to some scary "after" pics of women with similar surgeries. I should be angry at myself for fretting over scarring and "vanity" issues but , darn it, I have worked so hard to become happy with my body, proud of it, even, that consenting to have it disfigured and "hurt" in any way is confusing and disturbing to me. Yes, I know I need to do this, that its the best thing to do , to rule out any disease situation...it just makes me sad. I think the worst part is that my husband has berated me for worrying over the "vanity" issues, making me feel shallow for harboring these fears.
Perhaps, also, I am focussing on the visual net results so that I won't fret unneccessarily over a negative medical finding.
My great "distraction" of the moment is a project I am working onwith an artist friend. I pose for him in various "costumes", street clothes, or even nude as he experiments with setting scenes, establishing themes, and working on the technical aspects of his photography. I am "subject"; he doesn't use the term "model" which works for me; "model", in today's world, somehow has an underlying sexual connotation to it, as well as a high unnatural standard of "beauty" intrinsically linked to it...like there would be some sort of "bragging rights" to it...(no offense to any models out there!) As "subject" I feel like I am participating in the creative process, and actually, I AM since I do a great deal of the styling for the compositions.
Well this week we are doing something very thematic, and more stylized than any other work so far, and I am really excited about it. I will almost be assuming another persona as I'll be painted, and wearing a wig, wild makeup, holding props, etc. Very "theatrical". I can't wait!
I noted to a friend that sometimes I find posing as subject ot appeal very deeply to the "submissive" side of my nature. I am static and completely yield to the direction of the photographer during a shoot...even when clothed I feel this way: very consciously objectified. It is strangely exhilarating and I feel a "drop" once the work is complete.
The "artist" I work with is highly "professional", proper, religious, cautious...I know he would NEVER "cross the line" so to speak, mostly because since I am married, to him its as if I have an electric force field around me! My male friends (and husband) find it hard to belive that there is no hanky pany going on, or at least an ulterior motive on the part of the photographer...am I niave to think there is not?
I was beginning to get defensive about this issue when I re-read some passages from "On Photography" by Susan Sontag. It made me re-think the issue; that perhaps there is a certain type of intimacy that the invention of photgraphy introduced to the world. That it allows an extended gaze and interaction between subject and photographer/viewer...
All I can think about now is getting together all of the accessories and props I'll need for tomorrow and "taking care of business."
Posted at 10:47 am by brandy101
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I created this blog today after indulging my curiousity, peeking into others' lives through THEIR blogs...my friend and triathlon training buddy, Melora, turned me on to this site and for that I offer THANKS!
Posted at 10:21 am by brandy101
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