Not much to say today as I'd rather just pop some painkillers and rest...I am recovering from two breast biopsies - one of which they actually took the whole "mass" out instead of just a little piece, so tht side is incredibly swollen and sore.

No working out until at least tomorrow. We shall see; I may stick to something "lite" like pilates reformer lower body or just walking on the treadmil at a low pace so I don't need to swing my arms.

I'll get the biopsy results next week...I doubt its anything to worry about but I have to get the official "thumbs up" first.

Next week, I also go to see the GI doc to see if I might switch meds as the current one is utterly worthless at this point.

*sigh*

ok, back to bed....

So...as an escape I dropped the kiddo off at preschool and headed to my local cheapo haircut place. I have actually had good results there and it only costs me $10 compared to the $45 I used to spend to basically NOT get what I wanted. This joint is convenient and they do exactly as I ask.

I took along some pics that I ripped out of the latest Victoria's Secret catalog (oh how I love/hate that rag sheet!!! ) I came across an atypical sight - a model with a hairdo that was more that just windblown lengthy locks...She had mod blunt cut longer bangs, and then shoulder-length hair blunt cut in back (see below.)  It is uncannily similar to the beloved wig I wore during the last photo shoot...

I was feeling sooooooooo down today (see entry below). Even a 63 min run on the treadmill didn't help, but at least I got to sweat a little.

In fact, after I worked out and showered, I was even more upset than before so I called my surgeon to confess that I was really apprehensive and could he talk me through EXACTLY what the extent of damage might be.

It was certainly good that I called. He was with a patient, but phoned me back a few minutes later.

"I am glad you called because I just got the results of your mammogram. The report notes a 'suspicious lesion' in your right medial breast and makes no mention of the mass at 8 o'clock that I was able to palpate," he reported.

"So what does that mean? Do you need to make two incisions? That was why I called. Because I am having alot of fear and confusion about how extensive the surgery will be, in terms of scarring and amount of breast tissue you plan to remove," I replied.

We talked for a while and he told me that since I was concerned about the "cosmesis" (vanity issues) that he'd see if he could do stereotactical biopsies on the masses - that is, a computer-image guided wide-needle biopsy instead of surgical incision and the "digging around" that that entails.

He called me back and noted that the radiologist was unable to see the "8 o'clock" mass (even though he, my gyne, sonographer, and myself can all feel it clearly) in the mammogram. But the medial lesion he could NOT feel at all but it WAS visible clearly in mammogram. After discussing with the radiolgist and another surgeon (and me) we concluded that he will be first sending me to get the stereotactical biopsy on the medial lesion and then (possibly later the same day) have me sedated to have the 8 o'clock mass removed surgically, since it was not visible on mammogram and thus would need manual removal. That, he said, was a good combo, since it would mean he would need to dig around that medial region and remove alot of breast tissue to find the lesion he didn't know about.

I was guessing that this would delay proceedings for a bit...but yet again, apparently they are "fast tracking" me and he stated that I should plan on both procedures happening this week. He is going to call me tomorrow with the times and dates.

In some ways I feel slightly better - it was like I knew something was wrong and I couldn't put my finger on it. So, now there really is a fly in the ointment but he and I (and the hospital, hopefully!) are going to try to resolve it as quickly and neatly as possible.

The funny thing is, that I think this surgeon - who is almost 2 years YOUNGER than me! - is a bit shy or something dealing with me, because I am so straightforward talking about my boobs...he is a quiet fellow, but seems really sweet and incredibly patient and conscientious, so for that I am greatful. He's the third surgeon I have met/dealt with that has been so incredibly empathetic and kind. Surgeons, in general, have a reputaion for being egomaniacs, and I have certainly met some that fit that bill. Thankfully I have met others who have been utterly angelic.

Since my adventure in wig-wearing, dramatic makeup application, and posing I have been dwelling on the issue of my own gender identity.

Sweat....mmmmm...I just had a fantastic workout courtesy of the selection of what my friend, Nickie would term "Crap Rock"...classic rock anthems form the 70's and 80's. Those on the MP3 plus a few "hip" alterna-rock hits, late 80's college radio pop tunes, and some 60's mod riffs (Small Faces, The Kinks) and I had the perfect melange of uptempo grooves to keep me running at a better pace than I think I have ever had before. I also deliberately ran WITHOUT my hr monitor...I think when it starts hitting max and beeping it is way too distracting. Thus, I run longer, more comfortably, at a great pace,  and really get in my "zone."  I did try to wind down a bit before ending and manged some stetching and cool-down. Yet I am still riding that elation of "flying". I did mention previously that I liken my workouts to my sexuality...anyone familiar with bdsm might have heard of "sub space". I think more people have heard of a "runner's high". Its pretty much the same thing, I think, in terms of physical changes in the nervous, respiratory and circulatory systems. Huge endorphin dump into the blodstream. In bdsm, a submissive may have some sensory deprivation - blindfold, hood, etc. When I am in the running (or biking, swimming, yoga...) "zone" I get tunnel vision, too. Everything else gets shut out; I start to lose sense of space and time. Kinda dramatic, perhaps, but it can happen and hey, if it helps me get/stay HEALTHY and FIT, then hurrah!

I have alot going on - schedule-wise and MENTALLY for the next few days...

As my profile states I am a fitness enthusiast and began training for triathlons (sprint distance) a few years ago as a goal to motivate me in my quest to become healthier, more shapely, fit, sexier, confident...it has been a great tool...and I have been able to tie together much of my endurance training into my spiritual and sexual self...I'll touch on that topic a bit later.

I created this blog today after indulging my curiousity, peeking into others' lives through THEIR blogs...my friend and triathlon training buddy, Melora, turned me on to this site and for that I offer THANKS!