So, I listened, and hopefully helped him realize that he can't hold out hope that he can see her again. That doing so would be even more hurtful for him. One thing is he has a great sense of humor so I think once he purges/vents about what is weighing on his mind, he feels better. I know I am that way, too. I think its a pretty healthy way to be, actually...

I think of my backyard as a true "outdoor room" - our house is so small that having the ability to move...elsewhere and not be cooped up, well its critical to my well-being!

My great disappointment is that with all of my medical bills from the various doctor visits, tests, and surgeries, we don't have any money in the budget right now for a nice new chaise lounge. I adore sitting out in the sun (in moderation, of course!) whenever the weather permits. And I found the coolest-looking wood chaise online for a great price...but it will have to wait for another month, perhaps even another year. I did get a gift certificate for my birthday, and besides some new workout clothes and accessories, I think I need a new bird feeder and squirrel baffle. Other than that, my yard is shaping up quite nicely this year.

Last year I found a great deal on a lawn swing - and argued for it, agreeing to assemble it myself etc. Well, as it turns out, we spent countless hours sitting out there until the cold of fall set in. My father-in-law even commended me on what a great addition to our yard it made! I set it up again last month and after my yard work, it was such a wonderful respite to sit back, swinging, listening to the chatter of the birds and smelling all the fresh greenery around me. Ahhhh!

Sometimes I think I'd be better suited to warmer climate...considering how much I dislike the cold, wet fall and early winters we have here. But I really do adore the community here; and I can't imagine spending summer anywhere else.

And then next week...hubby and child are going out of town for a few days and I already have some pretty wild (and likely NOT posted on this "vanilla" blog!) adventures planned for myself ...

Of course, I credit my low-carb/low calorie/high fiber eating lifestyle and dedicated workout reigmen for these numbers. I certainly (unfortunatley) get little support from my spouse in these endeavors. He bitches about the cost of the healthier foods I buy, the lack of junky snacks around the house, and of course, the time I expend pursuing exercise - which is usually when no one is home (ie - kid is at school, hubby is at work) anyway. It makes me angry to think about that in retrospect: last year my knee (a year after knee surgery) still wasn't great so to get a cardio workout I would go to a local park district pool for aqua-aerobics classes, two evenings per week. The cost was low, but after a few weeks he started giveing me the business about having to "babysit". Uh, other people call it parenting, right?! Eventually it wasn't worth the endless fights for me to get out of the house on time for the class so I stopped those and started jogging in the neighborhood or riding my bike.

Once the weather got cold, I DEMANDED that we install our treadmill, vowing to be careful to use the safety features to prevent the little one from turning it on.

I finally have gotten to the point that I no longer need a knee brace when I run, thankfully.

I ignore his ridiculous proclamtions when he was protesting my exercise time - "Just don't eat." Say WHAT?! Ugh - this is  guy with a master's degree, very well read, and yet he has the nerve to issue such an asinine statement.  I read a study once that addresses the issue that  avid runners who have partners who are not runners have a higher rate of failed relationships. I thought perhaps it was due only to the variance in brain chemicals that would prevent interpersonal connectivity (i.e. - runner gets all that extra endorphin and adrenalin boost). But its more than that - its a disconnect on ways of seeing our bodies and how we relate it to the environment around us.

So, I am completely bragging here, for each fitness/health achievement, as I have done it on my own, not by choice, but by circumstance.  Not an ideal situation (don't even get me started about the arguments on my recent secondhand bike purchase, or my entry fees for upcoming tri-events!) but I do what I gotta do. Above all I try to keep as much peace as I can, all the while knowing that the only person who will always care for me and my body, always love me the way I need, is ... ME. I am not promoting being selfish, but its like they say, "When mom is happy, everyone is happy." I think that it'd be impossible and utterly disheartening to have to care for my family (and I am the caretaker ) without caring for myself.

I think perhaps I have watched one too many "Ophrah" episodes! ;)

Tomorrow will be a thrill - annual gyne exam and then possibly a visit (hoping a phone call for a new prescription is all I need!) to the internist for antibitoics. A visit to the dentist later this month, and then back to the GI doc on June 1 and then that should be the end of the doc visists for me for awhile, I certainly hope!!!!

On another note entirely, I was so thrilled to look out in my yard today and while sitting on the patio, a gorgeous goldfinch flitted to my birdbath for a drink, as some other pretty bird, which I have yet to identify(about the size of a robin, but a deep blueish-grey, with a long narrow tail) hung out enjoying himself at the tray feeder.

I m feeling better; hopefully good enough to have a good workout tomorrow as I have been missing that so much!

I have totally lost my appetite, so I just drink plenty of fluids (I spend all day peeing!!), eat popsicles, etc.  Ice cold water or juice really helps my throat feel better. (Thanks, Mephisto, for reminding me to do this! )

I am bummed that I am so far behind in my tri-training but I have to be better first so at least I am not gaining any weight while I sit around (due to no appetite AND taking in so much water to flush my system.)

I realized that my birthday is next week. Ack! I am in no mood to celebrate this weekend, as I can't really enjoy food or whatever; so maybe we'll postpone a birthday dinner to the following week and also celebrate Mother's day concurrently.

Since I haven't been feeling well I decided to partake of trash tv...namely the Fox atrocity "The Swan". Ohmigod, it sends women's issues back to the stone age. Besides the blatant sexism of "you are how you look", I think what infuriates me the most is that they did the dieting and excercise regimens AFTER massive liposuctions - most GOOD plastic surgeons would insist that a patient try to get in some shape and lose as much weight as they could BEFORE surgery; clearly these "doctors" have no ethics, just greed. I also thought that much of the facial work was needless and good results could have been achieved with creative makeup.(But then, I am in the midst of re-reading Kevyn Aucoin's The Art of Makeup)

I remember sitting in the hospital bed after my second surgery, and my surgeon and I discussed cosmetic surgery - he plainly stated that I would NOT be a good candidate for an augmentation, as I bled and the breast tissue did not react well to being "messed with". He then  added his own editorial: "Women are beautiful with what God gave them".

So, I was watching this goofy Fox show, which basically made normal women look like porn chicks (great accomplishment, eh?!) and I couldn't resist looking at myself in the mirror. I looked at the tone of my thick, muscular legs. the curve of my butt, the bulge of my biceps. I have worked so hard over the past 4 years - losing over 80 lbs with excercise and healthful eating, and an overall healthful lifestyle. Sure, I have some imperfections - who doesn't?

After the pain I went through with just a minor surgery, I am turned-off to the concept of paying a fortune for yet more suffering.

Not to mention, I get such a "high" from an intense workout - and its FREE! :)