Philly Expatriate

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

sick

Yeah...still sick, still miserable...although today we have gorgeous weather so I opened windows to freshen the house... Ahhhhhh! Nothing like some fresh air to revive you.

I went to the doctor yesterday as the past few nights I have been unable to sleep to to a dry hacking cough. He gave me a prescription non-narcotic cough suppressant but it didn't work; have better luck with robitussin, I think! He said it could be bacterial, viral or even allergies...so if I still have this low-grade fever in a few days I have to go back and get some antibiotics, as he noticed I have the beginnings of a sinus infection. I think I get at least one sinus infection every year and usually it is in response to allergies. Sheesh - modern medicine can cure all kinds of devastating diseases but somehow can't nail down the common cold.

I have totally lost my appetite, so I just drink plenty of fluids (I spend all day peeing!!), eat popsicles, etc. Ice cold water or juice really helps my throat feel better. (Thanks, Mephisto, for reminding me to do this! )

I am bummed that I am so far behind in my tri-training but I have to be better first so at least I am not gaining any weight while I sit around (due to no appetite AND taking in so much water to flush my system.)

I realized that my birthday is next week. Ack! I am in no mood to celebrate this weekend, as I can't really enjoy food or whatever; so maybe we'll postpone a birthday dinner to the following week and also celebrate Mother's day concurrently.

Posted at 12:23 pm by brandy101
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Monday, April 26, 2004

hard work is more gratifying

I was reflecting on previous "shallow" entries in my blog before my breast biopsies. It is apparent now that I will have a scar across the outer side of my right breast. But...so what? I am so happy how nicely it seems to be healing after all of the pain I went through, and the scary experience of the emergency surgery to drain the hematoma.

Since I haven't been feeling well I decided to partake of trash tv...namely the Fox atrocity "The Swan". Ohmigod, it sends women's issues back to the stone age. Besides the blatant sexism of "you are how you look", I think what infuriates me the most is that they did the dieting and excercise regimens AFTER massive liposuctions - most GOOD plastic surgeons would insist that a patient try to get in some shape and lose as much weight as they could BEFORE surgery; clearly these "doctors" have no ethics, just greed. I also thought that much of the facial work was needless and good results could have been achieved with creative makeup.(But then, I am in the midst of re-reading Kevyn Aucoin's The Art of Makeup)

I remember sitting in the hospital bed after my second surgery, and my surgeon and I discussed cosmetic surgery - he plainly stated that I would NOT be a good candidate for an augmentation, as I bled and the breast tissue did not react well to being "messed with". He then added his own editorial: "Women are beautiful with what God gave them".

So, I was watching this goofy Fox show, which basically made normal women look like porn chicks (great accomplishment, eh?!) and I couldn't resist looking at myself in the mirror. I looked at the tone of my thick, muscular legs. the curve of my butt, the bulge of my biceps. I have worked so hard over the past 4 years - losing over 80 lbs with excercise and healthful eating, and an overall healthful lifestyle. Sure, I have some imperfections - who doesn't?

After the pain I went through with just a minor surgery, I am turned-off to the concept of paying a fortune for yet more suffering.

Not to mention, I get such a "high" from an intense workout - and its FREE! :)

Posted at 09:35 pm by brandy101
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Sunday, April 25, 2004

bugs and birds

Hmmm, ironic that my last entry was pertaining to my "bug" costume...now I am dealing with a different kind of bug - a flu! :(

Well, some kind of virus, anyway - the little one has had a chest cold for the past few days and now mommy is suffering with it. It's a bit unpleasant as it produces alot of tightness in the chest and the requisite sore throat...and all I can take is tylenol, plus lots of juice, water, tea...etc. Also plenty of vitamin C...it is so damp outside (and in the houses) that I am not thinking that running the humidifier will do much.

I am excited because yesterday I got a new-to-me classic schwinn 10-speed for my training and races this year. It was all I coudl get in my budget, BUT actually I think it's ideal for me; took it to a bike ship aand I'm having a new adjustable stem put in so that its shorter for me, plus then I can ride upright for tooling around town, or have the bars horizontal for racing. I am already scouring ebay for deals on accessories - aero bars and an indoor trainer, for starts. I already have a cyclometer, seat pad, and other "necessities".

But despite my excitement, I have to hold off on any physical "expression" as I am just too sick now to work out. Yuk. One thing after another...oh well; hopefully by tuesday I'll be in good enough shape to do a nice run for an hour or so.

Maybe tomorrow I'll do a pilates reformer routine, or similar - as long as I don't have to breathe alot (ie - not heavy cario workout) I think I'd be ok with something to stay on track.

On another note, the build-it-youself kit for a Purple Martin 8-nest house arrived yesterday and hubby is supposedly working on getting that together tonight. I hope its done before May - when that species is supposed to migrate back to our neck of the woods. We have had alot of mosquito-borne West Nile virus in Illinois for the past few summers so I am trying to attract a mosquito-devouring species to my backyard. Not to mention they are noisy but in a sweet "chattery" sort of way...

I was considering a bat house, but we don't have a large tree to affix it to, and I think the poor things would overheat of we just put a house up on a pole right in the sun.

When I was walking my dog tonight, I was struck by the exceedingly clear call of a gorgeous male Cardinal, perched high atop a chestnut tree. I wonder if I am the only person in the neighborhood who is aware of what and how many bird species we have taking residence with us? I wonder if my next door neighbor knows that he has an amazing Owl living in a hole of his maple tree? It is fascintating to see the owl occassionaly take a shot - in daylight- at catching a mouring dove - what a racket that chase makes! But the doves know each evergreen to hide in and so they usually elude him without too much drama. It is wierd to think of birds hunting one another but they do...

This year, we have an unusual abundance of robins on our block, and many more doves than I have seen for awhile. I was thrilled to spy a black-capped chickadee eating from my tube feeder the other day. I started out with just sparrows, but now I have 5 species eating from the feeders and some cardinals that seem content to watch from the sidelines. As much as I love finches, I have such a problem with thistle taking root in my yard that I just can't bring myself to hand a thistle-seed feeder for them.

I had plenty of sunflower seeds in my seed mix (in a tray feeder) thinking that it would entice the cardinals but it just brought squirrels, and annoyed the doves, so I bought more corn and millet to mix in, which the other birds seem to prefer.

Of course the robins love the birdbath. I guess digging in the mud all day works up quite a thirst! I am curious to see what will happen when my gladiolus bloom this summer (I just planted a few dozen bulbs last week). If they bloom, I am hoping for a nice butterfly aassortment, and maybe even a hummingbird. We shall see what develops - with my luck, it'll just attract more bees!

Posted at 08:49 pm by brandy101
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Friday, April 23, 2004

wings

Yesterday I was spent - emotionally and physically - as the little one was really being awful. It was one bad behavior after another...ugh! One of those days.

Fortunately, her misbehaving must have worn her out as she fell asleep easily and early. So with the rest of the evening ahead of me, I "sucked it up" and decided to get back to running, or at least doing walk/run/hill intervals. Once I got going, and had that MP3 player blasting with my fave tunes there was no stopping me...I went for over 4 miles when my hubby came home (He was at a business dinner) and so I decided to wind down and shower so he and I could hang out for a bit before bed (or in bed! giggle!)

I felt GREAT! The only drawback was that I couldn't run very fast without the breasts bouncing slightly and hurting so I did a slower but nonetheless challenging pace. I was flying!

I decided to post this pic also from the last photo shoot, if only to illustrate the "wings"; I felt a bit silly at first but then felt like a nude "Bugaloo" after awhile! That was my FAVE show when I was, like 2 years old!!!!

The Bugaloos! the Bugaloos! They're in the air and everywhere...

Posted at 12:45 pm by brandy101
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Thursday, April 22, 2004

Happy Earth Day!

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon outside, and it was cool, cloudy...actually favorable weather for heavy landscaping and gardening.

As I work on an extremely limited budget, not to mention I love the idea of "reusing" things, I spend much of the day "rearranging" garden materials around the front and back yards. We lost an elm tree last year and have a huge pile of mulch out front from its demise...so I dug up wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow of the fine chips and distrubited it in the front yard on a somewhat bare and very shady patch that is difficult to mow - thus I just covered it with mulch for a "neat and clean" look. Then to my bulb garden where i spread a thin layer of mulch over the very sunny spot, to help the soil retain moisture and not "bake".

I filled in additional bare patches - on the burm with arborvitae, and along the fence. As I was raking the mulch long the bck west fence line, I spied a tiny Japanese red maple that we must have been pruning year after year to kill it - but , as a testament to life, it just kept springing back! Since it was in an inopportune spot, and since I adore that tree species, I looked around the back yard, found a suitable spot for it, near the mulch pile, to act as a sort of "screen" for it, and dug hole and cleared away some fo the grass surrounding the hole.

The hardest part was digging up that well-rooted little tree. It battled my spade for quite sometime and unfortunately I ended up splitting the main trunk, but it hd so many hearty off-shoots that I chose the best-looking one and replanted it in its new "home". I then filled in the hole, watered, and mulched around the perimeter of it. I hope it roots well and grows nicely this spring/summer.

I recently ordered some Colorado Blue Spruce from the National Arbor Day foundation which is SUCH a great buy - a $10 membership will get you 10 free trees plus free shipping! Granted, the trees are just 6" - 12" "babies" but, to me, that just makes it easier to plant them. I plan on placing 4 along our front property line for a traffic/noise/privacy screen, and then the remaning trees cross the west lot line.

Earth day is TODAY and Arbor Day is April 30th - try to do SOMETHING to help our environment this week if you can! Each small act of conservation deserves a big pat on the back.

Posted at 08:24 am by brandy101
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Tuesday, April 20, 2004

pictures

I am feeling better, day by day...today I even got back to my yoga routine - ahhhh that felt good!

I was planning on starting some lap swimming this week but may wait a bit, as my stitches are not 100% healed up.

I was happy to find that some of the pictures Paul took at our last photo session turned out fairly well. I was able to copy some that he posted on his online photo album (I will be recieving a full set when I see him next.) I look forward to seeing how the full-length nudes turned out. It will be a nice souvenier, if nothing else, of my pre-scarred breast...

But rather than whine, I will share one that I think turned out nicely, although I think my back looks rather "masculine" at this angle - but I do have something of an "athletic" build. Nonethless, I think I did a pretty good job as a hair/makeup stylist! ;)

Posted at 09:59 pm by brandy101
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Monday, April 19, 2004

back to the routine

Today I went outside and did some gardening/landscaping while it was still warm and sunny. Then, I knew I had to start working out agina but didn't want to over-do things, so I went with a 30-minute pilates reformer session, which seemed to be just right - stretching and weight-bearing exercise for abs and lower body, but not alot of strain, or exertion.

I can't wait to get back into running again but I know I'm not "there" yet.

Hopefully this weekend I'll be able to snag a used road bike so I can start training for all of my upcoming tri's.

Posted at 02:07 pm by brandy101
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Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Clean Slate

Today I awoke feeling groggier and more sore than ever...I didn't take any darvocet last night for the breast pain and fever as I wanted to be "with it" when I took little one to school and then took myself to the GI doc. Well, I guess abstinence from narcotics didn't quite do the trick. I suspected that my ever-worsening constipation (sorry folks, but its my blog and I am gonna be up-front about my issues) was to blame for the dizziness.

It has gotten to the point that I was shitting MAYBE 2-3 times a MONTH!! And that was with "assistance" via some sort of saline laxative. Bad news!

I also suffered lower left-side abdominal pain. These symptoms have been around for 18 monts or so; last year I got a ct scan and colonoscopy but they revealed nothing abnormal. A few weeks ago, I got an ultrasound to rule out gyne issues (cysts, adhesions) that would cause the pain; nothing there, either.

So then I read about Zelnorm, a new drug for women with constipation and abdominal pain as their primary symptoms (i.e. - IBS with constipation). I thought it sounded like my problem so I saw a Gastroenterology Nurse practicioner (who works directly with my GI doc in the same office.) He suggested Zelnorm even before I brought it up. I got two sample packs and a prescription. I crossed my fingers that it wouldn't just stagnate in my gi tract like so many other medications have in the past.

Wowsa! Took one before lunch and I have been on the toilet all afternoon! I guess it works! I had alot in there to clean out so I am hoping that things will"normalize" to a nice, "regular" shit or two each day instead of this explosive nonesense...I am truly hopeful that this will finally end this very painful yet embarassing problem for me.

Posted at 02:29 pm by brandy101
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Monday, April 12, 2004

dizzy

I'm so dizzy, my head is spinnin'
Like a whirlpool it never ends...

Remember that corny pop song from the 60's? Well anyway...

I woke up this morning very LATE and really out of it...I am sitting her in bed with the laptop cuz I just can't walk or sit up, I feel so dizzy. I took two darvocet before bed last night as my chest really hurt again. The swelling has gone down alot, but as I walk and move about the "gravity" factor makes it hurt. I just keep a tight sports bra on it and an ice pack, but last night I took the meds so I could sleep comfortably. I can't tell if I am still funky from the drugs (which are a very mild narcotic analgesic) or of they made me sleep funky so thaat I am just really exhausted. *yawn*

Hmmm, I am also severely constipated ( a chronic problem I have, made worse by the narcotics) so I hope there isn't like a toxic force field building up inside me!!!

I can't wait until I can get back to my regular workout routine ad start feeling better.

Posted at 09:25 am by brandy101
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Saturday, April 10, 2004

nude on the moon

I own a videotape copy of a charming, campy 1950's sci-fi/exploitation movie titled "Nude on the Moon."

I used to show it at parties, friends chuckling in reaction to the incredibly niave and hokey dialog...and more so, the utterly un-sexy nudists that acted as extras, holding hands, dancing in a circle, and, I think, wearing some sort of green glittery body paint to make them resemble "alien" moon people.

I have been enjoying a somewhat "academic" book written in 1991 called, Therapy, Nudity and Joy. It was recommended to me by my photographer friend, Paul, who once used it in a college psychology class. It has made me become nearly obsessed with the idea of relaxing at a nude beach or health spa...sitting in the sun, warm breezes caressing me... especially now with my scars, stretch marks, and other "imperfections" that are getting tough to cover with atwo-piece bathing suit, I feel like having no clothed "outlining" and restricitng me is actually much more "flattering" of a look, as odd as that may seem.

I think my newfound body comfort has to reigned in a bit, as I realized during my stays at the hospital that exposing my breasts to nurses, doctors, etc (which was legitimate as I was havning breast surgery!) sometimes made the health professionals uncomfortable - most especially female nurses, who would rush to cover the unaffected breast when I took off my gown for examination. I even said to one nurse, "Oh, I don't care" (about the other breast exposed while having a mammogram of the other one) She replied, "But I DO!" I wasn't sure if it was her personal comfort level of my nudity or perhaps a job-related liability issue. Either way it brought me back to "reality" - that many people are not accepting of or just uncomfortable with the human body.

Posted at 02:22 pm by brandy101
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