Awhile back I blogged about the demise of quasi-institution of Chicago radio, WJMK-104.3, turning from their (somewhat stale but still reliably fun) oldies format to the now ubiquitous "JACK". For whatver reason, I ws flipping around the FM dial in the car (I usually now stick to AM - oldies and talk/news) and heard Petula Clark's anthem to all things upbeat, "Downtown." And then came the station call letters and new slogan "America's True Oldies" or something similarly wide-reaching and slightly exaggerated in its claim. But nonetheless...

It can now be found on 94.7FM, former home of "The Zone": a post-grunge-rock salute to all things Ozzfest. Not a station that resonated with ME although I would check in to hear the occassional oldies by KISS, G'nR or similar.

I heard some of my faves from the 50s and 60's including r&b, surf, doo wop, and some quirky, lesser-know pop singles, which was an encouraging sign that the music director will not have as static a playlist as our former Oldies Station, WJMK.

She reminded me of the sad situation her middle daughter had breaking into friendships when they moved here, and then again, when they moved back. Doing a bit of reading last night, I know its a very common occurrence and so now I'm not going to worry that my lack of connections in the 'hood are affecting my kiddo. Also, this morning, I talked to a friendly and enthusiastic  mom who is helping run our school's Girl Scouting program and she made me (and, by extention, my daughter) feel very "included" as she talked about the planned activites for the kindergardeners this school year. I'll be signing kiddo up to participate in this activity as she has already expressed keen interest in it:

"A club for girls? COOL!!!!"

I also got my bad self busy this morning clearing out impractical shoes and boots from our very over-cluttered, teeny, tiny closet. I had to laugh when I came upon a pair of 6" platform sandals (total pole dancer shoes in every sense of the term!) and thought, "Gee now these REALLY don't seem to fit into my waddling-penguin maternity wardrobe!"

Whaddya think?!?! heheheh.



(pic is almost exactly the same as what was collecting dust in my closet!)

I think they may have helped me GET to this state of mommyhood, if nothing else! hahahah.

I intervened as Anabella seemed embarrassed in the awkwardness of the moment and interjected, "Oh honey, you know its probably just her family and stuff."

I then hustled my kid out of the bowling alley and into the car as the disappointment from witnessing this "rejection" firsthand began to fill me with sadness, and for some reason, guilt.

I also need to get rid of that outdated pic in the corner of my blog; I want to make a sort of cartoon/caricature of myself - maybe even a preggo (i.e. full-body)cartoon! That would likely solve my conflicting feelings of being proud of my mama-belly and being discreet. Anyone have a good website where I can make an avatar/cartoon image of myself? I've tried a few but they all end up looking like anime punk rock teenagers. That ain't really really the maternal look I was striving to achieve...

Contractor #3 was similarly "slick" but not quite as pushy as #2. I think he will also have an accurate bid for the same reason as #2. I also suspect he will be the highest bid because his firm is very well-known and respected in our community. Their trucks are all over town doing jobs. Thus, they seem to be in high demand. They were recommended to me by a neighbor who used them for a home addition a few years ago.  And yet #3, again, admired our lot, and asked why we didn't just put up a custom home in the backyard. I started a slow burn and then explained, "I like to GARDEN and PLAY WITH MY KID in the BACKYARD. We love this house BECAUSE of the lovely, serene yard." That seemed to satisfy his query.


I am not looking forward to this construction at all...just wishing I could wave a wand once the contractor is chosen and have the work DONE (and paid-for!) in a flash.

But it will give us some much-needed breathing room - not to mention elminiate the occasional arguments about who gets to use the bathroom at any given time.

As I figured, baby has a complete AV canal defect plus the likelihood of a Tetrology of Fallot - which requires immediate intervention after birth to put in a shunt to aid the too-small pulmonary artery.

The cardiologist was WONDERFUL and actually, quite positive in that she encouraged me by noting, "These problems are worrisome but we (cardiac surgeons) fix them all the time and get it done well." She must have spent 90 minutes running tests, drawing diagrams to explain everything to me, answering my questions, addressing my concerns. So YAY for the kindly, professional,  smart-as-a-whip pediatric cardiologist.

OK, so his hygroma has resolved (yay!), his kidneys, stomach, spine and skelatal formations all look good...he has these heart defects which are noted as "fixable"... and then I get the big whammy when the final doctor for the day comes in to visit.

He scans my tummy again and rather coldly informs be that the baby has hydrocephaly - fluid in the brain. Friggin' fabulous. He goes on with his discouraging dicourse by noting that a shunt can be put in after birth to drain the fluid if it starts to put pressure on the brain, but that (here is the clincher) in a nutshell, since this baby is already handicapped from an IQ standpoint due to the down syndrome, the hydrocephaly can likely shave off even more IQ points.

Ugh.

NOW I am feeling that "sense of loss and mourning for hte perfect child you won't have" that many parents describe when getting the news of a downs diagnosis. I was kind of excited for the challenge and seeing how far my special  lil' "extra chromosome" guy could reach. I envisioned myself taking him boogie-boarding and shedding a tear at his first game of T-ball, where EVERYONE is cheering for "the special kid."

But now I'm being told that off the bat, he will likely be "more" retarded. My concern, genuinely, is that he could suffer further impairment to the point of never being ambulatory, able to use the bathroom, able to feed himself. I.E. - Nursing home fodder.

I prayed ALOT and very specifically to have the hygroma resolve. The odds were against it and VOILA! It's gone. Hooray. He also had fluid around the heart that has also resolved. I'm gonna use every rosary bead in my Catholic-girl arsenal, every drop of holy water in the font at Church, and every prayer card to focus solely on praying for spontaneous resolution of this brain thang. If it doesn't "work", then no loss...but besides keeping myself healthy (whcih I am doing!) its all I can offer right now in terms of "mothering" him.

And if he already hasn't overextended himself physically and emptionally enough this month, he's also donating 2 units of red blood tonight to help people in our community.

Maybe its good that I'll be so occupied this week; otherwise I might be obsessing over my Friday appointment.