My last entry lamented my lack of exercise and the way its wracked my body and self-image...

And then, as if delivered on a silver platter, was the motivation I craved RIGHT when I needed it most:

All of my fave, sentimental 80's hits played with no commercials courtesy of internet station Radio Nigel. THANK YOU to Miss Ginger for pointing me in this direction! Major halo points for you, saintly woman!!!

Anyone who has known me for the past couple of years and/or has read my blog for some time knows I was quite a fitness maven and was pleased with my level of muscle tone and the resulting body image it helped me to project. I wasn't "skinny" per se but quite toned, healthy-looking, self-confident. Dare I say, even "attractive."

Now I have next to no muscle tone in my arms or legs due to the Doctor-ordered sedentary lifestyle I led while in a "high risk" pregnancy. None of my old clothes fit. Not even CLOSE. I'm 3 dress sizes away from my "old" self. I'm on the cusp of "plus size" if only due to that nagging pooch of a tummy from a stretched-out-ute' that yielded no living fruit. It sounds whiny but really, I am just frustrated, not full of self-pity. I want to get back on a fast-track to 5-a-week workouts including plenty of running to burn up that awful "bacon".

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Sidebar: Do you know what "bacon" is???? When a woman is even slightly overweight, its the fat on her back that droops over the edge of the bra straps!!! Isn't that the WORST term you have ever heard? I heard it from, of all people, my HUSBAND one day in the car. A young, somewhat attractive woman in a dress got out of the passenger-side of the car in front of us while we were at a stoplight. She had to adjust something with the seatbelt. She was about average height and weight and was obviously "dress up" for Church or similar Sunday morning event. Her dress was just a hair bit tight through the bodice, revealing that dreaded bra indentation and the resulting flesh-spillage. I stated, "Gee she looks cute, all dressed up." Hubby noted, "Yeah but she's got some BACON going on!!!"

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Well now I have f*cking BACON, and HAMHOCKS and a G*ddamn RUMP ROAST to boot!!!!! ;)

"Calgon, take me away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Or perhaps that plea should be directed thusly:

"Charmin, take me away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

To add to the general feeling of malaise was the weather, very typical Chicago late-fall: cold, gray, and rainy.

My family went out for their usual round of Saturday errands and fun while I stayed home and began absent-mindedly channel surfing. Lo and behold, I dial-up The Hallmark Channel and find just beginning a full-day's showing of the entire mega-miniseries, The Thorn Birds with all its bad regional accents, terrible special effects and makeup, and yet, its utterly sexy, if at times, corny, storyline of the "forbidden love" of Meggy and Father Ralph. That dopey show from years ago freakin' MADE my DAY! I nibbled on some yummy tv-time snacks, and squealed with delight at each turn of the (predictable) plot.

Then, toward the more "boring" part of the story (once all the sex scenes are over since Meggie and Ralph are senior citizens) I got a phone call from a woman in my parish who is part of the "Elizabeth Ministry" there. It is a group of women who share their stories and offer support to ther women who are dealing with infertility, pregnancy, motherhood, or even situations like mine - perinatal loss. This woman was "matched up" with me because she also lost a baby at 25 1/2 weeks. It was a really nice surprise and we ended up talking for over an hour. She also promised to pray for me and to call me again this week. I explained my current conflict over my efforts to focus on MY grief and worries and let the Philly crew deal with my sister's situation. She was supportive to me and noted that she couldn't imagine having to deal with all of these things at once. I also confided that my mood had perked up in large part to my day of vegging out with Richard Chamberlain and Rachel Ward...and she replied, "Oooooh The Thorn Birds! That's a good one!"

I guess that storyline must be extra-intriguing for us Catholic gals! ;)

Today I woke up feeling GREAT. I was refreshed from a good night's sleep, I got myself and my daughter ready in time to make it to the earlier (and more "fun" for kids) 9:30 am Mass, and then treated us to a mom-daughter-post-church Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks (she got a decaf frappuccino!) I also did a 20 min cardio workout and my 45 min yogilates DVD. My back began to hurt again tonight but I'm hoping that it'd been achy due to the damp and cold weather. I am supposed to see my midwife tomorrow for a checkup and I might ask for a small supply of muscle relaxants for the bulging disc issue, if come wintertime it gets really bad. I might need to look into stockpiling dvd's of other tv movies/miniseries for the long winter ahead.

We got new carpeting in our family room. The old stuff was DISGUSTING due to years of caked-on toddler-driven stains and general state of too-far-gone-to-steam-clean. When my mother was here taking care of things when I was in the hospital, she noted how awful the floor looked. I told her I was too embarrassed to have any kids over for playdates as I'd be afriad they'd be swallowed whole by some mammoth-dust-mite lurking beneath all that filth-coated olefin fiber! Luckily I was able to get some cheapie "$1.99/sq ft installed " berber from a local carpet/flooring dealership so it wasn't too bad of a budgetary hit.

Now the carpet looks great but all the kinda ratty old furniture looks even more rancid and decrepit in comparison. *sigh*
We have never actually bought furniture from a furniture store the way many people do. Everything was gotten one-at-a-time over the years to replace something else that died a cheap cotton upholstery or crappy-pressboard-related death. Some of our stuff is actually from college days. I wish I could say some of the "old" stuff is antique but that is not the case. Unless assemble-it-yourself Sauder faux-wood products from Walmart circa 1997 are considered "retro chic" in some way, shape or form!

We still have debt to pay from the plumbing project (something like $16 k on a home equity line!!!) and then another $900 to pay to a well digger to seal our well which is a Cook County legal/public health requirement. Oh, and I got a statement from my insurance that I have to cough up about $600 for my portion of fees for hospital and doctor costs. Actually I thought I'd have to pay more but I guess with all the doc visitis I had this year I have gotten pretty close to my out-of-pocket-maximum for the year. Hurrah!

Man, its gonna be a bleak Xmas this year...

Father Steve also shook my hand as I exited the service - and yet again he looked at me quizzically. Oh well, I'll just  keep 'em guessing!