Yes, We Can keep our ideals alive, sustain interest and energy in the world around us, and be active members of a dynamic and diverse society.

Its up to all of us to do so.

After his near-death, he sobered up on his own but again refused to see a therapist or attend AA meetings or other support group. He seemed great for about 2 years and we really started having a close relationship with him, "mending fences" as they say. My daughter got especially close with "grandpa" who would come over every Sunday for my homecooked dinner.

Something happened last year near the holidays. I suppose it was depression over his lonliness: 3 of his sons are out of state and his wife divorced him and moved to Florida with her gigolo boyfriend ( ANOTHER story for another blog entry!)

Part of me was angry with my husband and his brothers for not being more pro-active in supporting their dad, such as TELLING HIM OUTRIGHT: "Dad, we are so happy that you are sober." I told him. I am not sure if anyone else did.

Anyway, at some point he started drinking again, and would go on a bender, clean up for a short while, and then sink back into it. He started smoking again, too.

He ruined our Xmas eve last year: I cooked a big meal and he tried to sober up before he came over, but started going through withdrawl right before dinner. It was obvious, and to save himself some dignity, of course he lied and stated that he had "a sinus drip" that was bothering his stomach. He left just as I was serving dinner. Hubby and I were so upset that neither of us ended up eating anything.

It has pretty much been up and down all of 2004; and lately DOWN is the word. Not that he's just drinking but that he is pretty much constantly drunk. My husband warned me that ""I think dad is short for this world." I am earnestly seeking out funeral outfits just in case, because I think I don't know how else to direct my energy.

I also found out that my brother-in-law, hubby's eldest brother, is 12-stepping it. Yeah, he also suffered from the family curse. I hope he sticks to it as he has had some health issues in the past as well.

Which brings things back home. I have been very attentive to watching hubby's drinking habits. He does drink EVERY day - not a good sign. Usually 2 or 3 beers after work. No booze, thankfully.

However, he has some wild friends who, when he goes to bars with them, I can only guess that there are shots mixed in with the imported beers.

He has made an unfortunate habit over the past few months of going to a local bar after work 2-3 days a week to meet one of these "characters" (ick, I can't stand his friends...yet another story for another entry another day). When he does, he is always a bit later than he says he will be in getting home. He called as he was leaving the bar last night  to tell me he was going to be late, soften the blow, I guess. My daughter answered the phone and said, "Daddy, where are you? Are you at a bar? You should never go to bars ever again. Never ever!"

She has come to equate daddy at bar = daddy not home with her. He was shaken by her words and I am glad! I noted to him that considering the family curse, he might want to cool it. In fact, he didn't even have a beer with dinner tonight. I am really glad about that. If anything positive comes from the tragic events with his father, perhaps it will be his own temperance.