I had to cancel a routine gyne appointment due to a scheduling conflict and realized that with all of the fetal complications in this pregnancy that maybe I should switch OB/gyne practices to one that will be able to deliver at a hospital equipped to deal with my situation. It was fabulous delivering at my local hospital with my daughter, as she was a wintertime baby (we get plenty of SNOW here) and being 10 minutes away from the facility was very reassuring.

Today is the follow-up level II Ultrasound...


I have been saying my special prayers and even went to the Catholic church in Brigantine to light a candle and then bless my stomach area with holy water.

I feel rather sick to my stomach in anticipation of this appointment so I'll wrap things up and report findings later. I may also be having an amnio today but those results won't be ready for 2-4 weeks.

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I had the amnio...FISH test reults (early chromosomal analysis) will be ready in 3 days.

The hygroma appears to be shrinking/resolving - it is now just behind the neck as opposed to covering the entire back as seen in the last ultrasound.

However its almost certain that baby boy (yes, its a BOY) has a heart defect and possibly Down's Syndrome. The Amnio results will conform or deny the DS diagnosis and at 20 weeks I can have another level II ultrasound with a pediatric cardiologist and a fetal echocardiogram.

Sounds grim, huh? Well...the only GOOD part of this (besides the shrinking hygroma) is that the "hole in the heart" may be this http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=11066 which can heal on its own or is easily repairable after birth.

I've been tearful all day, and unfortunately my husband is reacting very badly to this prognosis.

However, my parents and one sister are very supportive of me and my "glass is half-full" optimism. The doctor I saw today was rather coarse and offensive - not just in what he said and how he said it but also how he SMELLED! He reeked of cigarettes with a lingering  note of B.O. on the side! Sheesh! So, I was able to throw his blunt statement that "maybe it isn't God's will to have a handicapped baby" out the window as I thought in silent reply, "Maybe it isn't God's will that YOU smell like a garbage dump, pal!"

I wish I had driven the extra hour to see Dr. Silver again but I went to his practices' local-to-my-neighborhood office and saw a different practictioner. I was nervous about having the amnio done by this slobby guy but I was there and since my "window of opportunity" was closing - and also because at that moment I had enough nerve to go through with it - I just said "ok, let's go for it." It won't change MY views on this pregnancy but I feel that with the heart situation, its a good idea to have as much info as possible so I can begin lining up specialists, etc. to take over if the pregnancy goes to full term. I state "if" because with the hygroma and heart problem, even though the baby is now active and has a great heart rate, it could still miscarry/be stillborn. So I wait...

I'll be back late on Monday...

I just popped by to report that the vacation has been ok; I've had about 1/2 of the days feelng good, energetic and the others feeling like doggie-doo, so that makes for less than stellar "tourist" activity.

We did not get called to "come on down" on the Price Is Right Live (pics to follow soon!) but it was an enjoyable experience, nonethelss.

We had a few decent beach days, and the water has been incredibly warm (no sharks though!)

Tomorrow me, hubby, kiddo, Percy (in a sizeable pet carrier, sedated on Benadryl per vet's instructions) and Annie (the beagle) head out in the 2-door '99 Chevy Monte Carlo Z34 for Brigantine, NJ. The Joisey Shore. Or as we say in Philly (all one word) "Downtheshore." For 8 days. No surfing or triathloning this year but we have tickets to attend "The Price Is Right Live" at the Showboat Casino. I'm jonesin' to hear "C'mon down!" preceeded of course, by my name which will likely be mispronounced.

My tortoise ('98 taurus se) needs some brake work so I don't trust it to deliver us safely to our destination, even though it has many fewer miles on it than the Monte. I think I may have mentioned the Monte before. It is such a cheesey car. Its SO Joisey. Its so "not" my husband but he digs it and its 3.8L v-6 nonetheless. It's white with black leathuh' interior. Needelss to say, we got it used because among the selcetions at Carmax, it was a full sized car with decent safety and gas milage rating at our price point. We only buy cars used; I am sure I have expounded upon this before.

I hate driving it because its long, difficult to handle and totally overpowered but on the plus side it has a huge trunk (for our luggage) and a cd player that you can control from the steering wheel. Hubby does all the driving on these car trips, anyway. I am in charge of snacks and handiwipes: the flight attendant/cruise director, so to speak.

ok blogreaders, lest your mind be wandering in another direction due to the pun in my title...

I figued if I was going to be mawkish and slightly saccharin today, I'd go all the way and brag about my little pumpkin, the long-haired almost 5-month-old kitten, Percy.

• Percy loves to swim. He jumps in the tub with my daughter as long as the water isn't too hot or too deep (no deeper than his shoulder height.) He sloshes around and tries to play with her tub toys. Yes he is a cat. But for whatever reason he loves water. In order to prevent him from getting a chill (we are running the air conditioners religiously these days) we try to discourage his "bathing" habits, but sometimes he sneaks in the bathroom under the radar.
  
• If he accidentally gets trapped in the bathroom, he can and will pee in the toilet. Really! We discovered this after he was neutered. We put him in the bathroom on the vet's advice to "keep him in a limited, quiet space" so he wouldn't overexert himself chasing the other cats or his toys. Bad cat owners that we are, we sort of forgot about him for a short while. When I checked in on him, he was happy as a clam but he smelled like pee. There was no puddle on the floor or on his favorite rug (more on the rug later.) He had some dampness on the long hair near his backside and when I peeked into the potty, sure enough there was a distinct yellow tinge to the water. I guess he hasn't learned how to wipe yet!
  
• We adopted Percy (or I should say, his previous owners foisted him upon us) at the tender age of 5 1/2 weeks. He clearly wasn't fully weaned yet and apparently for emotional/psychological reasons he adopted one of our bathroom rugs as his surrogate mother. I have to keep washing thius specifc rug to keep him content. Its one of those acyrlic shaggy medium-pile rugs with the rubber backing. Its also seafoam green. Percy sprawls on it, kneads the faux-fur fibers and proceeds to nurse the rug. Yes NURSE - as in, suckles it and leaves a flat damp spot. While suckling the mutharug, he closes his eyes and buries his nose into it. Its kind of freaky, especially when he falls asleep in this postion, head down and teeth still gripping a fiber or two.
  
• Percy's favorite game is "fetch" with those crinkly sparkle balls that always get lost under the gas range, thus requiring me to gingerly move the stove once a week to retrieve a pile of lost cat amusements.
  
• My favorite brag: everyone at the Vet's office admired not only Percy's good looks but his gregarious nature. They all held him and commented on his outgoing nature and excellent behavior (ie - no hissing, shaking, cowering, hiding)
  
• Percy sometimes sleeps cuddles up with my daughter, other times he spoons the dog (which she tolerates) which is sickeningly cute to see.
  

I've been really lazy aout taking and/or uploading any recent pics; I'll try to get one posted soon.

While there are always tragic stories on the news, the headlines of yesterday and this morning resonate with some miraculous tales that exemplify not only human spirit, ingenuity, and creativity, but also the liklihood of a helping hand from heavenly sources:

-the incredible, safe evacuation of all passengers from the crashed Air France flight in Toronto

- the birth of a daughter to fallen National Institutes of Health scientist, Susan Torres

Yet more evidence of my effervescent self coming through this current crisis, this time via my subconscious:

Last night I dreamt I was heavily pregnant and I was at my grandmother's house in Northeast Phillly. I walked toward her middle bedroom - the one with the old-school 1960's vanity table and chair that I loved to play at as a kid. Before I could enter the room, the late Pope John Paul II stands in the doorway, smiles at me, puts his hands on my swollen belly as a blessing and nods with reassurement in his gesture. I also sensed that all of my late relatives on my mom's side (all of  them Polish, as well) were in the room peeking at me through the doorway, smiling warmly.

As wierd of an image as that is, its giving me alot of solace today so I'm gonna run with it!

A good friend of mine flew into town Friday for a visit before she starts law school next month. Not only is she my oldest and dearest friend, she is also my daughter's godmother.

I warned her ahead of her visit about the somber mood in the household but we agreed that perhaps some company would be, at the least, a good distraction for everyone.

Partly out of superstition, partly out of my own kookiness,  I have decided not to give this fetus a "real " name but rather a non-gender-specific pet name of sorts so as not to have to refer to "it" all the time. As I pulled into the hospital parking lot, seemingly out of nowhere it came to me: "Junebug"  I also wanted to be able to smile when I think of him/her even though "Junebug's" situation looks pretty grave.

I seemed "fine" this morning when I woke up but for the past few hours my stomach has been in knots.

Tomorrow morning I have the perinatologist appt.  I have made the dreadful mistake of reading too many awful stories on the internet and so now I'm a wreck.

Please, PLEASE send a prayer, goodwill, high energy toward my uterus so that the Doc tomorrow can just chuckle and say, "Oh, no problems here! Enjoy the rest of your week."

My fears are not only regarding something amiss fetally but also of having to deal with some kind of confrontation with this doctor (whom I have never met.) I am hoping he's a sensitive person who won't make untoward/callous suggestions, but I have no idea as I've never dealt with him before.

I don't want to be tearful for any reason - medical findings OR the "talk" afterward.