Apparently I share a moniker with a Texas teenager on MySpace.

I dig that she's into Phil Collins AND Tupac (but not "pop") That's diversity, fo' sho.

(insert sarcastic grin here)

Michelle over at Smoochdog tagged me on a little blog game. Since she's my GIRL I will consent to do it BUT I decided to one-up the conditions. Instead of "four things that I..." I raised the stakes to FIVE. Heheh. In my mind, that means that I don't have to tag as many folks to try this out.

Five jobs you have had in your life:
1. Activities Assistant – Wallingford Nursing Home
2. Program Assistant, Kellogg Graduate School of Management
3. Promotional Services (Public Relations) Associate – Rotary International
4. Manager, Customer Service, Tactician Financial
5. Senior Technology Project Manager, Arthur Andersen, LLP.

Five movies you would watch over and over:
1. Gone With The Wind
2. Dr. Strangelove
3. Star Wars – Episode 4 (Nerd alert!!!)
4. You've Got Mail (yeah, uber-saccharin Chick Flick, I know!)
5.  It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (Ethel Merman RULES!)

Five places you have lived:
1. Wallingford, PA
2. Evanston, IL         
3. Chicago, IL
4. Arlington Heights, IL
5. The basement of Annie Mae Swift Hall during my radio days (or at least, it sure felt like it!)

Five TV shows you love to watch:
1. What Not To Wear
2. Project Runway
3. Sex & The City (if only for the clothes, not the hokey dialogue)
4. Family Guy/Home Movies/Aqua Teen Hunger Force/ other asst. "Adult Swim" 'toons
5. Celebrity Fit Club/The Biggest Loser (tie)

Five places you have been on vacation:
1. Brigantine, NJ
2. Grand Cayman Island
3. Montreal, Quebec, Canada
4. Killington, VT
5. Hamilton, Bermuda

Five websites I visit daily:
1. mail.yahoo.com
2. My bank's website
3. www.radionigel.com
4. www.google.com
5. brandy101.blogdrive.com (natch!)

Five of my favorite foods:
1. Filet Mignon
2. Crème Brulee
3. Really good, fresh coleslaw
4. Caesar Salad (no croutons!)
5. Meat Pierogies

Five places I would rather be right now:
1. Monastery of the Holy Spirit, Conyers, GA , for a Yoga Retreat
2. Brigantine Beach, NJ in August (preferably on a boogie board or surfboard)
3. Skiing in the Rockies
4. Vegas, Baby!
5. On my treadmill

People I will tag: Zero. I think its too clique-y to select only a few firends to participate. If you like doing these games, then go for it and let me know when you post your answers - I'd love to read 'em!!!  

I am beyond devastated with disappointment from this CRHP weekend.  Instead of feeling at peace and relaxed, I am agitated and annoyed. Even borderline depressed. It was absolutely the wrong thing for me. I think I need a "real" retreat (like, at a SPA!) to recover from this one!

As I told Pam, the hospital perinatal loss counselor, last week, I just had zero interest in attending her support groups because being surrounded by weeping women - when I, myself was feeling good, upbeat, healthful, resolved - just felt WRONG and out of place. She totally agreed with me, and thus the idea of me writing the "upbeat" exercise/"take time for you" pieces for the newsletter came about because I DO want to offer something to these people who are hurting, but I don't want to get dragged out of my "good place" back into their dark cloud of grief. I have worked so HARD to GET to my sense of resolution and closure that I don't want to be put in a position of taking steps backward into sadness and anxiety. This is pretty much what happened on this "retreat." I was bombarded with sob stories that just made me feel shitty. And almost guilty that I have had a relatively privledged life.

This event is purported to "deepen your faith." I think I expected more direction into exposition and discussion of very specific topics about the Holy Spirit and Jesus. Basically all that I got were alot of sad stories from women who told about how God held their hand while their life was sucking-at-the-moment. It was borderline pity-party. There was nothing uplifting to me about it. Little humor. No spirited discussion. And not nearly enough clear articulation of how God/Jesus/Holy Spirit were there. They were just too vague and pedestrian. It seems as if the women got so caught up in the presentation of the drama and tragedies of their own stories that they didn't take time to step back and delve further into the evolution of their spiritual selves and really expound upon those themes. Some professional editing of their speeches may have been useful.

I also had some continuing knee-jerk reaction to what I considered "un-Catholic" behavior, gestures, and ritual. As much as I despise the rigidity of the Vatican's many rules, I DO adore the very solemn rituals of a formal worship. Being in a conference room, we had nowhere to kneel during consecration. When it comes down to it, I am pretty "Old Skool" on these issues.

Again, the positive notes of the weekend included meeting a handful of seriously COOL women. I really connected to an amazing woman in her 70's who had recently lost her husband. She was so intelligent, funny, and sensitive. I also met another lady, a teacher, who was equally savvy, kind, and "with it" and who gave a thoughtful presentaiton. Also, attending confession for the first time in over 23 years was surprisingly enjoyable.

All of the participants received an invitation for "formation" - that is, to create the next retreat for a new group of women. Despite my negative experience, I am mulling over the possibility of participating. Why? Because (not to toot my own horn but...) I know I have the ability to write thoughtful, engaging, articulate, and highly-motivating works. I know I am good at organizing things. I know I have the intellect and sophistication to add more polish to an exisiting format. However, if some of the cornballs in my group who dampened my exprience also join, I think it'd be like mixing oil and water.

For now, I'll just think about it.

So...I'm finally back home after a lengthy "Day 1" to this Church retreat thingy I'm doing.

I hate to be a spoiler but... I don't think its really my bag. The GOOD thing is I have met some REALLY cool women of all ages.

If I have to sit and listen to one more crappy "Christian Rock" song I think I will vomit. I abhor that genre. I mean, it'd be one thing if, as a transition, between activities they played 30 seconds of a song and faded it out gracefully, but NO. We sit there like IDIOTS staring at the floor waiting for the song to end. Ew, that and all the hand-holding during prayers, excessive "folksy" singing,  and this uber-goobery "laying of hands" crapola that the CRHP leaders do before one of the women gets up to speak.

I felt JUST AS uncomfortable as when, back in the early days of my yoga classes, we were expected to chant in Sanskrit at the end of practice. IT'S NOT MY PERSONAL CULTURE.

Me being the Rad Chick that I am, (sarcastic grin) I did spice things up in the beginning, though. We had to individually introduce ourselves with the following formula: Name, Spouse, Children, What you hope to get out of this weekend.

After each suburban mom got up and blandly stated, "I'm JoeAnn Schmo and I'm married to Joe Schmo and we have scads of baptized children..." it was my turn.

I identified my name clearly. Then I said, "I have to state here that I am not comfortable identifying myself as spouse-of-so-and-so. Its not my primary sense of 'me.' "

I continued by stating that I am seeking to organized the "spirit" side of the very critical mind-body-spirit connection in my life. That I practice yoga and am a novice triathlete and have recently made a personal commitment to rejoin the Church. I then noted that I have a husband and a daughter.

I was thinking I'd catch hell for playing the role of Andrea Dworkin-wannabe in the group but NO! Women came up to me later and said, "Wow! I really liked your introduction!"

Right on!

I also went to CONFESSION! *Gasp!*  It was actually pleasant. Of course, it was super-chill Father Steve who gave the absolution. It was more like a quick discussion with a therapist (and FREE!) so heck, maybe I'll go check that out more often if/when something is bothering me. The penance he gave me was kinda lame, though. It was really vague and not applicable to my particular "crime."

What did I confess? Ahh, dear readers, that's between me and Fr. Steve...but I can promise you it had nothing to do with naughty backdoor pleasures. ;)

Tuesday afternoon I went to my local indoor pool to swim and perform what I like to call "water pilates." Basically I utilize the float apparatus to do resistance training on my arms, shoulders, thighs, butt, and abs. Once you take any aqua-aerobics-type class you learn how to do all of these exercises, so I do them on my own and then swim a few laps and do additional stretching before retiring to the sauna.

I was alone in the sweltering sauna and took advantage of the silence to listen to my thoughts. My mind began focusing on my near-obsession with "calling." I am one of those people who, despite extensive education and life experiences, still don't know "what I want to be when I grow up."

Some weeks ago the first reading at Mass was the story of Samuel and Eli. Samuel being a young apprentice and literally being woken from sleep by God calling his name and telling him what the heck he was supposed to be doing. The Blessing of Explicit Directions is what I like to call it. I have tried time and again to tune into my intuition and pray for clear direction. I'm not asking for any Big Picture scenario here. I just want to figure out how to best apply my interests and talents to somehow effect a change in someone/something other than myself. And then, I felt something come through clearly in the 180-degree air of the sauna. That "inner voice" nearly hit me like a sack of bricks as it proclaimed, "You need to share your knowledge and enthusiasm for exercise to help other people." How would I do this, I began to question. I can't afford certification courses in fitness or yoga right now, even though I'd love to be some sort of fitness instructor.

Yesterday I got a surprise phone call from Pam, the perinatal loss conselor at the Hospital. She asked how I was doing and I shared my improving health and outlook that are accompanying my weekly workout routines. As I detailed some of the changes I have made and acknowledged the occasional stumbling blocks I have encountered, she replied, "Wow. What would you think about writing a monthly article with exercise and "take time out for yourself" tips for our (maternal loss)support group newsletter?"

Pow! There was that sack of bricks again. "Yes!" I said without skipping a beat. "When is the deadline?"

Yesterday while I was walking the dog I spied a robin in my yard.

Next weekend the garden design implementation begins...

Long before infatuations with Donny Osmond, Mickey Dolenz, Father Pat, or NIck Rhodes, my toddler-eye was trained on the talents of Jack Wild, who played "Jimmy" on the bizzare 70's kid show, H.R. Puffnstuff but might be best known for his role as the Artful Dodger in the film Oliver.

Sadly, Jack died last week. You can read about it here.

Today is the feast day for fellow Philadelphian St. Katherine Drexel. She is a woman I greatly admire for her intelligence, resolve and dedication to a cause that was, at the time, not particualrly popular but nonetheless incredibly important. I think its really inspiring how she had the world at her feet and yet used her sharp mind and caring heart to provide educational opportunites for the most underserved in the U.S.

You can read a brief story of her life and her push for social justice here.

Hmm, that liquids-only (tea, water) "fast" yesterday really DID help my cold; just a bit of sinus congestion but it feels like its out of my chest and throat. Its a  small victory for my white blood cells! Hooray!

That means...minimum 4 miles on the treadmill today!

Post script: 4.51 miles, to be exact *wink*

Since I've been so "good" about diet & exercise this year I decided at the last minute to "indulge" a bit last night. I had 1 chocolate chip cookie, 1 scoop of full-fat (ie - not "lite") cookies 'n cream ice cream and 1 tablespoon of store-brand prepackaged vanilla cake icing (mmmmmm, hydrogenated soybean oil, mmmmmmmmarrrrhhh!)

I think licking icing off the spoon was clearly the most "decadent" of the three treats. It certainly was the "greasiest" or "fattiest" or whatever, accoding to nutritional info posted on the package.

So today I'm being good for Ash Wednesday and doing a fast - I think the first time I ever really did it purposefully in my life. Supposedly once in a while a fast can be "cleansing" if you do it right (avoid dehydration by taking in water, juice, etc.) Its also good timing as I need to force more water anyway to get rid of this nagging cold.