Entry: adrenaline Saturday, May 22, 2004



Adrenaline pumping in my veins...but not for a "good" reason.

Ugh. Yet another blowout of a fight with the spousal unit. Of  course part of it was about me wishing to exercise today and seeking some "babysitting" - and  I got the "You are a selfish bitch" "You don't contribute anything to this family" yadda yadda yadda. Oprah, Dr. Phil,  and their denziens would have a field day!

Luckily for me I don't take any of his bullshit to heart. If I did, I would have had a nervous breakdown many years ago!

I managed to squeeze in a 15-minute lower body workout; kinda brief but I am too mentally exhausted now to do much more. Perhaps a few pushups and crunches later but for now I just need to blow off emotional steam.

Ironically tomorrow is our 7th wedding anniversary. Not something I'm  gonna be celebrating!

Its ridiculous to me how much he chided me, when I was much heavier, to lose weight.

Even on our honeymoon:

First day on the beach, the day after we got married, I was wearing a new bathing suit, one intended to make me appear "slimmer". We walk to the water and two women stroll by in bikinis. My new husband turns to me and says, "Why can't you look like that?" Believe me, that phrase is burned into my memory! I should have had it annulled right then and there. Ugh. Hindsight.

   3 comments

brandy101
May 23, 2004   03:13 PM PDT
 
Thanks, Nic and D for your comments. He is just a baby at times; not so much humiliating as a bratty pain in the ass. Thus, I get more frustrated than "hurt".
The worst time on our relationship was after I had the baby; we tried marriage counseling but I think trying to get a babysitter and spend the money on the counseling stressed us out more, so we ditched it. It wasn't particularly effective, anyway.
Oh, and Nic, for a number of reasons (that I won't get into) your last comment holds a bit of irony to it...
But its not a fear of me getting in shape; its just that he doesn't feel that I am entitled to "me time" since I don't produce any income for the household. It is totally lame but I have manged to work around it.
princessdeirdre
May 23, 2004   02:50 PM PDT
 
Sorry you had a bad day B. I hope it gets better for you for your anniversary! Try to have a happy one!
Nic
May 23, 2004   12:38 PM PDT
 
I wish I could say something encouraging, or suggest that Dr. Phil or any of his counterparts would make a difference. I have no idea what drew you to him, but though you "don't take any of his bullshit to heart." knowingly; it does leave a scar. As did the comment one day post nuptials.

Though a Dom and Sado Masochist I do not like humiliation. I may leave a mark occasionally on the flesh (when mutually desired), but try not to destroy/scar the ego/self.

Don't let this behavior go uncorrected. You know he may be worried that you are getting too buff and be afraid that someone will want to steal you away.

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